I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Randomize
