so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
