I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
