At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
