I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
