he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
