dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
