I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
