And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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