D3 body, D1 cock
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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