I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
