nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
