I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
