can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The dick lei will go down in squad history
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
