are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
