I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
