Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
