She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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