I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Hippo gnu deer
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
