my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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