Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
