Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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