I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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