Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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