That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
