oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
