ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
