Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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