Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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