is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
