No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
