am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
