Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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