Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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