There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
