just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
