The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
