my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
