i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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