i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
