Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
