sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
