Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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