his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
