update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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