I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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