I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
