Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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