I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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