this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
