we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Oh god it's open bar.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
