I'm really into asian looking animals
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
