I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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